c h o c o l a t h e a d w e l c o m e s y o u

My gosh. I really wanted to love this movie. I really do. I went at all cost to buy the VCD so that I could nod my head in agreement to those guys whose review I believed in after all this while. Those guys at Sinema Indonesia gave good reviews and I totally trust their judgments. And this time around, they kinda blew it. But it’s not that bad. You can say that I have a "love-hate" thing with this movie. Going through this movie is like hoping you get an orgasm while watching a bad porn movie (try the one with the title Trojan and The Three-tits Beauty. The porn is as bad as the title trust me). You keep on masturbating and hoping you would come anytime soon but no matter how hard you try to get yourself excited, it didn’t work. And all the while, you caught yourself chanting, "It’s going to happen..anytime soon..anytime..any-time..yup..anytime now…" but to your fucking (pun intended) disappointment, it didn’t happen. Well, that’s exactly how I felt for this movie.

My point is, there is no peak in this movie. There’s only a flat paced plot. The only good thing about this movie is Vino and Herjunot are the two most hot creature god has ever made (Vino to be exact. One word: Yum-my.). And guys, don’t be disappointed just yet, Nadine is hot too. But to me, that’s all she is. She’s hot, but not that pretty. Guys like hot girls but girls like pretty girls and that’s because they know they can’t compare to the hotties. Halfway through the movie I thought hey, this coming-of-age movie really reminds me of Y Tu Mama Tambien but sadly; it’s not even that close to Y Tu Mama Tambien. A few ridiculous scenes made me feel like giving Upi a smack in her head for making up such scene. For instance the fighting scene where Upi tries hard to copy scenes from The Matrix and shots stolen from one of those Bruce Lee’s movies.  And I’m totally pissed off when Vino-Nadine kissing scene was not paired with good background music. You can only hear the sound of cars passing by (as the kissing scene happens to be in a cheap hotel room). In fact, this whole movie should be filled with great music and songs, but did it have it? Nope! That’s a big loss. Considering the title of this movie consist of the words “Rock n Roll”, I reaaaally thought it would be filled with fantastic Indie songs like Janji Joni does. This movie let me down again.

But the thing that made me stick through the entire movie is the originality of the movie, which brings up a fresh idea rather than repeating the same love formula. The movie is about Ipang and Nugi, two best friends who had their future all planned out. They wanna be a rockstar. Hey, isn’t that what we all used to dream when we were teens? They are the kind of guys who weak kids in school love to hate and I’m totally glad that Upi didn’t have scenes where screaming girls howled at them because those two boys are hot. But the “Realita” (reality) hits them in the forehead. What they wish for will not realize in their near future. Reality comes in the form of the fact that one of them is adopted and the other one has a transsexual daddy. They’re trying to deal with this oddity and hoping that the fact that running away from the problem and being denial will solve it. There are some really funny scenes where they deal with Nugi’s transsexual daddy acted by Barry Prima. I caught myself laughing myself pretty hard that I made my mum think I’m going insane. Sandra, not a really important character but do have a small impact to their friendship when both of them fall for her. But the feud lasted for a few seconds and they’re back together like a pair of loving couple after realizing how stupid their childish behavior is. Cinta as in the title is Sandra in this movie. Rock n roll in the title should be dropped off because the element is not strong enough. But this movie will take you in one emotional ride. You’ll find yourself laughing one minute and sobbing the next. But the thing is that Upi didn’t gave me enough time to cry and laugh because the scene is so close with each other that I don’t even have time to wipe my tears and I even laugh while still trying to wipe my tears from the last scene. After all, it’s not that bad. Like I said before.

Compared to Catatan Akhir Sekolah, which contains great music, I prefer Catatan Akhir Sekolah for it has great music, strong plot, eye-candy actors, brilliant opening credits and so much more. Sorry Dodi and Ferry, I’m against you guys this time around.

It was one of the lame nights that I had for the past 2 months. I just happen to watch late night TV shows in my room and to my surprise, Nidji’s VC was aired. After 3 clips, then it was Vince’s Janji Janji clip turn to make me stay glued to the faithful mini TV. It’s not that I am one of those groupies of Vince who screams their tits off. You wish. Vince’s female partner in the clip, which happens to play his character’s girlfriend that made me, gagged. It’s Kak Dilla. She finally made it, I thought. I was not that close to her. I knew her through Aliah as she is her clubbing partner. I hung out in her room for a few times, with Aliah of course. I remember sitting in front of her 14” TV watching Gilmore Girls with bad reception. She’s pretty cool. I remember having a crush on Manje and Kak Dilla was a source where I can know everything about Manje as she has known him for quite some time courtesy of her sticking to the same class as he does. Of course I was not the one who ask her about Manje. I’m too scared. Aliah was my third party here. She’s my middleman. Sigh. At times like this, I really do miss Aliah.. (I wuv you hun..) Anyways, there she was, in my little idiot box, playing girlfriend to Malaysia’s first winner of the Akademi Fantasia cycle, in his sickly sweet song about promises. It felt weird when you catch someone you knew doing his or her stint in TV. It’s like, we’re not supposed to knew anyone from TV. It’s not normal. It’s really THAT strange. Well, I have to say it had to do with me having my 15 minutes of fame way back then. I did something stupid and allow it to be aired on TV all across the country. Well, actually not all. Just those people who owned Astro and it has something to do with oag and my undying love to the band. I’m not going to go there. It’s downright embarrassing. So to people who happened to catch my innocent little face (I was 18. So pardon my stupid haircut. And my stupid little happyhappy dance) on TV back then or in the near future (damn them Astro for repeating the show) please, I repeat, please, turn off the damn TV.

The cooling period is over. The big question pops out. To divorce or not to divorce. I never thought that what I usually watch on Malay dramas all my life would actually happen to my family. A month ago I cried my eyes out thinking about this divorce situation. I hate it. Although it didn’t happen to me, it still affects me in a certain way. Never in my life I would dream about having to face this situation where the person who is close to you had to face the fact that their marriage is ending soon. I dreaded my decision that day to follow my parents and brother’s trip to Kelantan. Actually, I was forced to. It always has been that way. My parents are so scared to leave me home alone. You know, the possibilities that I might be raped or robbed are high when I’m alone. So I reluctantly went to Kelantan only to know that I will be facing the most difficult moment in my life ever. My brother is facing a broken marriage. He’s getting a divorce.

I don’t know why all bad things are happening to our family. I don’t know why. Why are there so many obstacles in our life? One by one, problems come and go. But this is big. I’m freaking out. And I believe my mum is dying inside because of it. My dad, he’s trying very hard to mend things. I know deep down he’s hurt. Being in the situation where your dad tries hard to put things back together when the other party is so fucking selfish is hard. He had to churn out all of his painful memories of growing without having a father figure just to make those fucking bastards understand the situation. This situation might not be that hard to settle if Safiah haven’t been born yet. But they had a kid. She’s just 2. She has so many things lies before her and she’s going to lose everything normal just because of the decision that their parents made. Breaking up.

It’s painful for me to sit and witness a situation where adults trying to figure the problem out in a house where the other party lives and to their advantage, we are not the host and we have to be extra patient at that moment. Seeing Safiah running around in the living room breaks my heart. The only thing in my mind at that moment is this might be the last time I will see that cute face which I am so in love with. She’s only 2. I started to think that how am I going to live without her smile and small face. She’s still a kid. She won’t remember me. Will she remember me when she’s older? Will I ever get to see her again? Hearing her calling out my name, watching her grow up, holding her hands in the park, buying her presents. I’ll miss all that. I’ll never have the chance to. This divorce is separating me from her. It’s separating my family from her. I saw my mum trying hard to hide her sadness. She’s trying. She’s a tough person. Me myself can’t stand the pressure and broke down while they discuss about the divorce. But in her eyes, I saw her trying to imagine a future without Safiah’s smile and laughter filling in her lonely days. I cannot understand why my now ex-sister-in-law wants the divorce so much. And it’s because of ridiculous and such childish reason. She is childish.

She’s just a few years older than me when they’re married. She’s just finished her diploma at that time. She’s young. Too young to think about marriage. But she fucking did. As far as I knew her, she’s a stubborn person but likeable in a certain way because she had a way with words. She’s a chatty person. We get along for a while. She began to share stories and she confessed that she only has a few friends back in her college days. Based on her stories, I summed up that she’s the kind of person who can’t get along with people who are against her and her description of a perfect type of people. She doesn’t give a damn about what people think about her and she mainly hates other people in her college back then. But she’s very popular with guys and according to her that what made her less popular with the girls. One more thing, she had a big mouth. She tends to hurt people with her words.

Back then, I think she’s very odd. But come to think of it now, she sucks. No wonder why she got no friends. She’s so selfish. She’s only think of herself. And meeting my brother is probably the best thing at that moment. My brother is a quiet person. He doesn’t talk so much. He’s more of a “yes” person. She’s manipulative. He’s obedient. My brother is a kind of person who keeps things inside his chest. He is not likely to lash out whatever he thinks. In my life, I never saw him get angry. I swear to god I never saw him in that way. He’s always patient and quiet. And when she met her, I believed that she has dominated him. All this while, their relationship is based on lies. Lies that has been done to cover up things that she lied about in the first place. The bitch is a big fat liar. Thank god she told me all of her lies when we were close before. If it doesn’t happen, I might now hate my brother for this divorce. Even at the last minutes of their marriage, she’s still lying. I can’t believe it. How can a person live peacefully with all those lies that she made? Her live is full of lies and she dragged my brother with it. One part of me is glad that this divorce happened. Another part is dying to see the sadness that my mum, dad and brother retained. I cried on their porch. At first, I was in the living room with them. And I cannot bear it. Then I walked out to the porch.

The amazing part of it is that the other family member other then her brother, for example her sister-in-laws, are somehow numb. They don’t have any feelings about this shit that is happening. And then it hits me. Once, my friend told me about her sister who married a Kelantanese and she ended up being far away from her family as her husband is more of a “family” man. And that means Raya was celebrated at Kelantan every single year. Every holiday is spent there. Her sister doesn’t have a say. And this is what I believe, happened to my ex- sister-in-law’s sister-in-laws. My friend then tells me that she will never marry a Kelantanese. I believe that Kelantanese is a selfish type of people. They feel that they’re superior to other people out of their homeland. Just look around you, the Kelantanese only mingle around with their likes. They believe they are bigger than life. And this applies to each and every one of them. Watching my dad tries hard to mend things for Safiah’s future is difficult. He’s fighting for Safiah to have a better future. But do they care? No.

I loathe her brothers. They don’t try to patch things up. They don’t even try. All they do is trying to find my brother’s fault and blame him on everything. They are so fucking stupid. They might be big in physical, but their brain is smaller than their dick. Those bastards don’t have any manners in dealing with people especially when it is my dad who happens to try to negotiate things with them. For a person who was brought up with so-called “ajaran agama” in a state that practices the so-called “correct” Islam, they are so fucking idiot and shallow. They should be burnt in hell. They don’t have any manners and those jackass couldn’t help to lower their voices when talking to the elders and making themselves looking totally stupid believing to their stupid sister who happen to be a bitch who lied all the time. They don’t even know the fucking truth and acted as if they knew everything. If they only knew that her sister lied about so many things, they will eventually kill themselves for being such assholes. I despise them for their rudeness and fucking stupid snobbish act they put on. Go fuck yourselves instead of trying to act all religious and trying to talk about right things when you yourself are so fucked up and so retarded that you should just smash your little pea brain the size of your dick you have hanging inside of your weak little head. Bastards. They don’t deserve to live. I hope they choke on their lunch to death.

One month after the cooling period that my dad tried so hard to make them agree, the question pops again. My dad asks me if I wanted to follow them to the state that is full of the most retarded people on earth ever. I decline. I don’t want to feel helpless when my mum, dad and brother being bombarded by shits that they throw as a reason just to see the marriage ends. They’re back just now. The door swung open. Divorce. I can read it from their faces. Then I saw her. She’s staying with us for a while which I can’t tell how long. Safiah is in my dad’s arms. He put her down. She ran towards me. I hugged her and wish this is not happening. I wish I were hallucinating. I wish this moment never ended. This is it. This might be the last beautiful moment I’ll have with her.